If you forgive, does it mean that you let that person off the hook? It’s as if one portion of the brain says “it’s all good” and the other portion is saying “ah, I don’t think so.”
Trying to forgive someone is like trying to stop smoking. Until you change the underlying beliefs, it is almost impossible. There are also those of us who are living with unforgiveness, but truly believe that we did forgive. Aha, you are only fooling yourself. Unless you can hug and love and be compassionate with the person that hurt you, only then is when you truly forgive.
So this guy called Allen Car helped people give up smoking successfully. Why? Because, as he explains, cigarettes don’t elevate you to some higher plane, as most smokers tend to think. The nicotine just raises you up to where non-smokers are naturally and then drops you back down, almost seconds after your last puff. The belief at the heart of why smokers don’t want to stop is that they think they will miss out on the relaxing feeling. So what do we need to do? We need to flip the perception that makes forgiveness so incredibly difficult.
I don’t believe forgiveness takes years. I stopped smoking in 2 weeks, after smoking for 18 years. I flipped the thought in my mind that smoking is going to relax me. I made the decision that smoking is not living in the correct way in which God expects me to live.
That is why it is so important to identify the feeling in yesterday’s exercise. Remember, I said that the emotion is controlled by the mind that controls the feeling, and that you are in control of that feeling. Which in practical terms means you need to stop blaming others for how you feel. I stopped blaming Emile, and the other women. There was really nobody to blame.
That is when I became more compassionate towards Emile, I allowed compassion to flow, one breath at a time. Thinking he is human, everyone makes mistakes. Who am I to judge? I started showing empathy towards him and then I learnt what forgiveness felt like. FREEDOM, freedom to live the best life God intended for me to live.
Day 60 Mental Health Tip
Compassion is to look beyond your own pain, to see the pain of others.